Friday, July 16

SpaceSnail (part two)

When we last left Patient, she was hurtling through space, unaware that Stanley Beebee the Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfish was hurtling right behind her. . . 


The good thing about space though is how big it is. Stanley Beebee the Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfish might be coming quickly right at Patient while she's looking the wrong way, but he won't be here till next week. So for now Patient is fine, cleaning her tiny spaceship and looking out the window and making up a song to sing to her spacegrandmother:
Hey, Spacegramma!
How are you?
You're not the kinda gramma
That lives in a shoe.
Hey, Spacegramma!
I'm doin' good.
I've been riding in my spaceship
To bring you this food.
Hey, Spacegramma!
(spacedog too)
Let's bust out the blender
and whip up some green goo.
Hey, Spacegramma!
How's my song?
I had to make it up because
my journey was so long!
Meanwhile, Stanley Beebee the Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfish was running into problems. Every few minutes he was hitting big dollops of snail slime. And while snail slime is pretty delicious, it kept hitting Stanley in the eye and in the ear and in the nose and everywhere but his mouth and making it hard to see or hear or smell and his face was turning into a big slimy mess and he was having a hard time going in the right direction and once he even bumbed into a sun and burned all the hair off his face and, well, he's having a pretty miserable time.
But he just kept reminding himself that if he kept going he would get to eat a little girl and some spacespeghetti and happy thought would make his nose water with pleasure --- dropping big greenishpurple snottleys that made it easier to smell --- and make his eyes blink in joy clearing the slime from them and making it easier to see where he was going and made his ears fall off in excitement.

(This was okay for Stanley because he, like all Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes, carried a big bag of extra ears stuffed down the back of his pants.)

And on he swam.

On the second day of Week Five, Patient's tiny spaceship hit a tiny rock that moved the ship a not-so-tiny bit and so Patient had to turn it around and head backwards a little bit so she could keep going the right way. Which was good because for a little while her one window was facing the opposite direction and Eyestalk Number Four saw a big slimy monster coming at them. Eyestalk Number Two wanted to see this so it bumped Eyestalk Number Four out of the way and noticed that the monster was dripping big purplishgreen snottleys out its nose. Eyestalk Number Three wanted a look and noticed that the monster's teeth were changing, as Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes do when they're about to eat, from six spacemeters long to sixteen-point-four spacemeters long. Then Eyestalk Number One noticed the rapidly blinking eyes and the clawy claws and the swimming and the big bag of extra ears stuffed down the back of the monster's pants and that's when Patient said,

"EEP! A Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfish!"

So she grabbed the steering wheel and spun around and ran off but the Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfish was faster and was catching up and so Patient knew she needed a better plan, so she turned her tiny spaceship around and started driving RIGHT AT THE BIG BAD WOLFMONKEYFISH!

This surprised Stanley and he stopped swimming for a second to look at the tiny spaceship that was just about to catch up to him. He was so suprised, that he closed his mouth, which is what all Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes do when they are extra surprsed. And because his mouth was closed he couldn't eat Patient's spaceship and instead she ran right into one of his eyeballs and bounced off.
Stanley was so surprised that he closed his mouth so hard that all his teeth broke off which is what Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes do when they are extra extra surprised.

Then Patient, looking out the window with Eyestalk Number One, whose turn it now was, turned her tiny spaceship around and this time ran it into the monster's big bag of extra ears which surprised the monsters so much that he closed his mouth so tight that his entire head squished into his lips which is what Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes do when they are extra extra extra surprised.

Then Patient remembered that she had brought her favorite book with her on the trip, Spacemonsters of Space and How to Handle Them and she opened it to the page on Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes and read that their favorite foods are little girls and spacespaghetti and so Patient decided to jettison her spacegrandmother's spacespaghetti at the monster and then run away while it was eating.

So she shot the spacespeghetti at Stanley and it hit the lips of his flattened head and even though he was now extra extra EXTRA surprised, his head popped back into its normal shape and he ate the spacespaghetti (which was the best he'd ever had) and he rolled over and took a nap for twenty years (which is what Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes do when they have a good meal, which is why there are always so many Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfishes rolling around in the sky over the universe's best spacespaghetti restaurant in the Marinara Nebula.


Back on course and driving her tiny spaceship as fast as it would go and letting her eyestalks take turns looking out the window, Patient finally arrived at her spacegrandmother's house. She crawled out of her spaceship and stretched and yawned and cried a little bit because she was SO SORE from being STUCK in her TINY SPACESHIP for SIX WEEKS but she was also super happy and laughed and giggled and gave her grandmother the basket of food and told her that now, instead of plain old boring old spinach shakes she could make spinachspaceraisincakes shakes and spinachspacecelery shakes and spinachspacepeanutbutter shakes and spinachspacecupcakeshakes and especially spinachspacelemonade shakes.

But no spinachspacespaghetti shakes. Not this year.
Hey, Spacegramma!
How 'bout this?
I fed your spacespaghetti
to a Big Bad Wolfmonkeyfish!

this adventure brought to you by Theric Jepson


  1. What a way to make a big grandma Wolfmonkeyfish to laugh and smile! Absolutely stellar!